November 15.

November 15 is my mother’s birthday. It will always be, even though it has been ten years since she was here to celebrate it. Her last was her 78th, in 2010. I wrote the blog below on what would have been her 80th birthday. When she was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in 2008, she was told she might live for five or more years. She wanted to live to 80, but fell 18 months shy. Every word below is still true. Only more and still brings a tear to my eye. Now that my kids are blossoming into full-fledged adults, it is hard that she is not here to experience. She would have enjoyed them; they would have enjoyed her.

So Mom, happy birthday. I wish you were here.

From the Archives, November 2012.

What I Miss…

I miss being able to call for recipe clarification. Or for the recipe since I’ve misplaced it for the twentieth time.

I miss being able to call her to brag about stuff about my kids. She was always their most avid and enthusiastic fan.

I miss being able to complain about my kids. She didn’t offer too much advice. She know she just needed to listen.

I miss the feeling of two parents anchoring my extending family, having two parents at Thanksgiving and birthday dinners.

I miss seeing her at dinner parties we put on. I know she got much joy from entertaining and I know she was proud that I could set a pretty table and not burn anything.

I miss that she will never see Sydney’s smile with all her adult teeth in.

I miss she will never hear Jackson play clarinet.

I miss that she will not experience the personality blooming in Sydney: sassy, dramatic and entertaining.

I miss that she will not see Jackson as a middle schooler.

I miss that she won’t see Sydney’s new ‘look’ with her bangs grown out.

I miss that she will not see Jackson in his trademark fedora.

I miss that she was not here to see me turn 50.

I miss that I did not see her turn 80.